Why should you prioritize sex after marriage and especially after having kids? It is not uncommon to hear married women talk about sex as a duty to their husbands to fulfill their needs however, that is not a biblical perspective. There are many things that I believe we have learned either from culture or the church that is an incorrect perspective of God's design and intent for sex. I think this has resulted in many couples selling themselves short and missing out on all the good God has for them in this area.
In Genesis 2 we see God bringing Adam and Eve together after He made Eve for him, and this gives us a pretty good idea of how we as married people should view marriage and sex. You might be tempted to think that sex is simply for pleasure whenever we want it or for procreation, and if we are too tired or just don't feel like putting in the effort or we're not trying for a baby then it's not for right now. Although it is very important for those two things there is more to it than that.
What is the purpose of sex?
There are four main purposes for sex, two of which are often missed that we are going to discuss here. 1) For procreation. 2) For pleasure. 3) For companionship and unity. 4) Reflecting God's image.
Procreation
I don't think I need to say much about this point because I think most if not all people know that if you have sex that can result in a baby. We see why the procreative element is important though in Genesis 2 when God tells Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth. That's a big command to fill the whole earth. In a less obvious way when we look at the whole Old Testament, we also see that having children is not only a blessing but is also primarily how God grows His people and makes disciples. I believe this is still an important and valuable way of growing the family of God and spreading the good news of the gospel. When a married couple is open to the Command of God to be fruitful and multiply, they are blessed by growing the kingdom of God.
Pleasure
Sex was intended to bring pleasure, and not just for men, this is for women too. News flash, it actually is meant to and capable of bringing women more pleasure than sex can for men. Here is a bit of a science lesson for you, men have approximately 4,000-5,000 nerve endings in the head of their penis, women, they have twice that in their clitoris. Also, men are only capable of one orgasm per time they have sex without time to reset for the penis to soften and then become erect again and the orgasm typically only lasts a few seconds. A woman can have as many orgasms as she wants and last, as long as she wants them to. There was one woman who was able to experience an orgasm lasting 11 hours and it only ended because she decided that was enough! Isn't that amazing what the female body is capable of?
I want to add here also that the pleasure men experience increases as his wife's pleasure increases so by holding back you are actually preventing your husband from experiencing the full capacity of pleasure, he is capable of. God was so creative when He made us to think of these things.
If you're wondering if you could ever experience even an orgasm let alone pleasure like that as a woman just know you are able it just might take time to learn your body and what you like. Also remembering the importance of relaxing and truly being present can go a long way. If you're interested in learning more about this, check out Francie Winslow's podcast here.
Unity
This one I believe, although not commonly known, is one of the more important aspects of Sex in a marriage. when a husband and wife have sex, they become one we know this from the creation account of Adam and Eve in Genesis, but we also see it in many other ways. Sex is a gift given to husband and wife to bring the two spouses together in more than just a physical way they are unified also spiritually and emotionally. After a couple has sex, it can also be a great time of inspiration to help solve problems and inspire new ideas together because of all the hormones involved. The husband-and-wife team is much stronger as a couple when they are unified, and God gave sex as one powerful tool to do that. A unified husband and wife also create a unified family which ultimately will make a stronger community, having sex with your spouse has a lot of power to change the culture around you because it brings unity, connection, and ultimately stability. Sex is not a fix-all however it is a God-given powerful tool for a marriage.
Reflection of God's Image
All three of these ways above are a reflection of God's character through creating, enjoyment, and unified community. We also see a greater reflection of God when a husband and wife make love to one another because each of them reflects different elements of God's character individually but when they come together, they paint a more complete picture of who God is. We know God is love and intimacy is one of the strongest displays of love humans know, sharing your whole self with another person is a powerful reflection of the love God is and has for us. Marriage is God's best way of showing Himself here on earth and Sex was intended exclusively for that to highlight that.
So, what can we conclude as the answer to our question? Sex is important in marriage because God made it that way, it is not a duty of a wife to perform for her husband but rather a joy for both husband and wife to come together and serve one another and to bring heaven to earth through reflecting the image of God. Our bodies are not our own they are to serve our Lord and our spouse I think once we can grasp this idea our view on Sex will change dramatically. Your purpose on this earth is not about you, it's about loving, serving, and reflecting who God is to draw more people to Him.
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