The bible has a lot so say on this subject both the do's and the don'ts. I want to talk about what the bible says in terms of what you should do because I feel it is often not talked about. There are verses in both the Old Testament and new on the subject that hold equal value to the modern Christian. I need to start this off by saying God created sex. He created it in the garden before the fall as a good and beautiful gift to Adam and Eve, the example of what marriage should be because this is also where God established the first marriage, Genesis 2:21-25. Sex is not something to be ashamed of or disgusted by. It is also not just a responsibility of one spouse to another although there is a little element of that which I will discuss later. Sex was given by God to a husband and wife as a celebration of His good creation and the ability to be cocreators with Him.
What does the bible say about sex in marriage?
"Concerning Married Life
7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that."
This passage gives probably the most direct guidance on the subject in terms of frequency. Husbands and wives should not withhold sex from one another but rather come together often to protect each other from temptation and because when you marry your body is no longer your own, it belongs to that of your spouse. The exception, prayer and fasting. You probably won't be cheating if you are focusing your time and energy on prayer and fasting. This is I think where the perspective of sex being a duty comes in. A husband and Wife each have a responsibility to show up for each other and to do that often. God knew that sex with your spouse often would strengthen and help to protect the marriage and that is why He commands it and especially to a church that was struggling with sexual immorality.
"4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral."
It is important to protect the marriage bed from being defiled, the previous passage shows one way you can do that is through connecting often. Another powerful way is through prayer. Pray for your spouse, pray for your sex life, pray for your marriage. Invite God into this area of your life, after all God made it and gave it to you as husband and wife.
Genesis 1:26-28, and Genesis 2:24
"26 Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals,[a] and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”
27 So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.
28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” "
"18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals.
But for Adam[a] no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs[b] and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib[c] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
for she was taken out of man.”
24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame."
We see in Genesis 1 God creating the first bride and groom, the first couple. The it says He blesses them by telling them to be fruitful and multiply. God is giving them the gift of sex here and He calls it a blessing. A little farther in the text in chapter 2 of Genesis God shares the story in a little more depth. We see the full description of Eves creation. I believe God created Eve (women) as the cherry on top so to speak. She is the last thing of all creations that God makes, God saves the best (most beautiful) for last. Humans are the only thing God says is very good in creation whereas everything else He made God simply calls good.
If we then look at Adam's reaction, we can clearly see that God did an exceptional job when making her. He says this is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh, he is in awe that something so exquisite came from him and then give her, her name, woman. The text then goes on to say this is why you separate from your mother and father and are joined to your spouse becoming fully united with them in all areas of your life because a woman is a part of man, they are to be fully united and bring completeness to one another. This is not meant to exclude our necessity for God in our lives especially since we have experienced the fall God is still the only one who can bring full wholeness, but a spouse does bring a certain level of that.
This is far from a comprehensive study, but the over-all biblical perspective is here. Sex was created as a blessing to marriage, and a husbands and wives should come together often to both protect their marriage and to grow it. Want to read more on this topic? Check out these posts here.
Resources:
BibleGateway.com: A searchable online Bible in over 150 versions and 50 languages.
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