Husband's role:

I think to set the proper groundwork for this we first must discuss the marital role and responsibility a husband has to his wife. The most common verse you will hear given when this topic is discussed is Ephesians 5:22-24, "²² Wives should submit to their husbands as they do to the Lord; ²³ because the husband is head of the wife, just as the Messiah, as head of the Messianic Community (church), is himself the one who keeps the body safe. ²⁴ Just as the Messianic Community (church) submits to the Messiah (Christ), so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." (Parentheses added). This is only a small part of it, biblical submission actually first starts with the husband, not to His wife but to God, the wife then who is submitted also to God will have no issues falling under her husband's leadership. The other role a husband has that also always goes hand in hand with this is that a man is supposed to love his wife like Christ loved the church and as if she were his own body, (see Colossians 3:19 and Ephesians 5:25-33). If a man is living out these two things, he will honor his wife in all decisions that he makes and respect her wise council.

Wife's role:

So, with looking at Ephesians 5:22-33 we can get the whole picture here, but I think this goes back even farther then New Testament. I was reminded in a conversation with a girl I know recently of how this directly connects back to the creation story of Man and woman, husband and wife. God first creates Adam and teaches him how to care for things, work hard and have responsibilities and when God finds him ready, he creates Eve and calls her a helper who is comparable to him. You know what this means, women are equally valuable but purposefully different (my favorite quote from Girl Defined) and our very purpose in life at creation was to support and come along side our husbands to further the mission of God on the earth if we are blessed to get married. Wives your role in submitting to your husband is not one of degradation or devaluing but rather it makes you a partner with your husband to further the kingdom of God on the earth. By working with our husbands and supporting his leadership role we are working together with God to work out His divine plans on the earth. What a rewarding task that we get to participate in when we humbly obey God in this act. I think where people tend to have the biggest problem with submission is when they take it out of context in thinking that women need to submit to every man, but the bible specifically says to their own husbands. It all points back to what God was doing in the Old Testament and how His work in growing the body of believers is through family and goes generational, this is also why having children is so important, but I won't get into that here instead you can hear my thoughts on that in my post What is Birth Control and should Christians use it? This doesn't mean you aren't a part of God's plans and work if you are single or childless, but these are very important roles that should not be neglected if God does give them to you because they are the work of God and a major part of His mission here on earth.

Does this make women a door mat?

No, absolutely not. Again, wives submitting to their own husbands does not mean they submit to every man and are never allowed roles of leadership and responsibility, rather it sets a structure for the family so there are not 2 people always trying to be the final say. This is a common misconception that because the bible has called men to be the leaders of their families that automatically makes women inferior and less than all other men and that all men have the right to boss around any and all women but that is certainly not true. Rather woman you are only directly responsible to God first and then your husband.

This also doesn't mean your voice, opinions, and concerns are not important in your marriage but rather the opposite. You have been given to your husband to provide him with another perspective he may not have considered, and knowledge he may not have to help him make wiser decisions for your family. Your input is immensely valuable in the decision making that happens in your home and if you present your concerns and perspectives in a respectful and honoring way a godly husband will listen to you. This is all a part of the two becoming one, and one big reason why sexual intimacy between a husband and a wife is so important and why I believe God gave this to married couples.

I will also add here that I'm not saying women should never be in positions of leadership or authority, no, there are lots of amazing women who held positions of power in the bible, think the judge Debra, queen Esther, the proverbs 31 women, but these women who were married were also respectfully in submission to the headship of their husbands, not trying to overtake his authority but rather supporting him and backing him in that.

What benefit could I gain from submitting to my husband?

This also does not make a wife weak but rather gives her power. When a husband and wife are working together in unity, they are both strengthened and effective at what they are trying to achieve. Also, when we submit to our husbands, we are being obedient to God and honoring His will which is a sanctifying process. We can't experience sanctification in our marriage to the fullest if we bring disunity and disorder by fighting against the headship God has given to our husbands. By submitting willfully to our husbands this is also an act of dying to self in that we are offering up control for the image of Christ. Ultimately, we benefit in this by bringing unity to our homes and growing in humility to bear the image of Christ.

So, to wrap this up ladies, submission when done in a God honoring way is not laying down all your rights and freedom to be manipulated and controlled by a toxic man but rather coming alongside the person who is most important to you to serve, honor, and work with God to further His kingdom and to sanctify you making you more like Christ. What a wonderful gift from God to have thought out from the beginning of time to bless the world and married couples with.